Pre-op pondrances

Brooch: family heirloom | Top: Target | Skirt: Boden | Boots: Off Broadway

I had my pre-op appointment today. Lots of bloodwork and questions and an x-ray and an EKG and paperwork. It wasn't fun, and I have to say, things are a lot different now than when I had my first surgery in 2006. I was 19 and young and depressed and didn't much care what happened--major depression kind of has that effect of putting you above fear and intimidation and worry. But I'm 28 now, and I have a career and a family and a boyfriend and bills and I'm scared. I know everything will be fine; this is a relatively minor surgery, after all, compared to something like open heart surgery. But I'm nervous and scared and I don't want to lose anything except the part of my disc that is pressing so painfully into my spinal cord. I don't want to take a month off work. I don't want to be trapped or lost. But I'm doing it, because I can't be in pain for the rest of my life.

I'm going to have to use special soap Monday night and Tuesday morning and I will have to be at the hospital at 6am. My doctor thinks the appointment surgery will take 2.5 hours. I should be awake by 2pm at the latest.

I can't wear nail polish, so I'm packing polish in my overnight bag so I have something to do while I'm up all night wearing booties that puff up with air every 30 seconds to keep the blood flow going in my feet. I am also taking books and if all goes well, my coworkers are going to visit me to cheer me up.

The hospital is freezing but I'm going to get a robe that has its own HEATING SYSTEM. That nearly completely makes up for the booties.

I just really want to be good again. I hope I will be.